A Very Pokemon Special Shakespearean Parody
by DarkPaladin000
Summary: The play Julius Caesar was serious and tragic. This parody starring the Pokedex holders is neither of them. Join Red, who has recently came back after vanquishing Team Rocket. Unknown to him though, Gold is stirring others to rebel against him... and mostly failing badly at it. Involves Oreos, Burger King crowns, and ships Red/Yellow. Crack.
1. The Burger King Crown

**A/N: Okay, to give this story some overview this is basically a retelling of** _ **Julius Caesar**_ **except it takes place in a modern day setting, and isn't really a serious story, but a crack/parody one and a comedy in the modern sense. It basically stars Red as Julius Caesar, and the rest of the Pokedex holders as the senators. I think you can probably figure out who's supposed to be who if you've read the original play, but otherwise you don't really need to in order to get the story.**

 **And yes, people will be out of character. Green is the boy and Blue is a girl.**

It was a pretty nice, sunny day, with celebrations to be made all over town. Red had just come back after defeating Team Rocket once and for all, and though most people were happy at this thought, there were some who were rather grumpy.

Take Gold for that matter. He was in a bad mood all day long, and when Silver joined him and they spotted a huge pack of people moving about, they decided to stop them.

"Guys, what are you doing out here?" Gold asked them. "Don't you know that the latest _Game of Thrones_ episode is out right now? Why aren't you at home?"

One of them answered, "It's all because Red's finally returned from defeating Team Rocket! This is even bigger than Selena Gomez visiting."

Gold gritted his teeth. "Okay, first of all, what do you do for a living?"

The guy started looking around shadily. "Uhh… none of your beeswax bro?"

Gold frowned. "Okay, either you tell me, or I release my Pokemon right now and…"

Silver interrupted him and whispered in his ear. "Shhh… he's a high school chemistry teacher who was diagnosed with cancer and has been selling Oreos illegally to pay for his hospital bills. Don't worry, he's with us."

"Okay then," Gold said. You see, Oreos had been banned for several years as they had been found to be scientifically more addicting than heroin and cocaine, but there were of course still underground operations going around selling them illegally, out of which Gold and Silver both got a cut to finance their political campaigns. "But then tell me, why are you going to celebrate Red's return? Do you not remember that it was Team Rocket who started the underground Oreos trade? Do you not remember when Grovanni was famous and you all went with your Iphones and requested to take selfies with him?"

"That was before we realized he was a criminal," one of them said.

"Shut up!" Gold shouted. "All of you get lost before I-"

The crowd decided to disperse before Gold could release his Pokemon on them.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gold was there in the town square while there was a crowd of reporters and cameramen around him. Yellow was also there, and she was talking to Red.

"So, I think I speak for all of us when I say that you're really great," Yellow said. She pulled out one of those crowns you can get at Burger King. "Please, accept this."

"I can't," Red said. "Look, I know that it'll look really #swag on me and all, but the thing is I also need to be #humble and stuff. You know, #Itwasforthepublicgood."

Yellow offered him the crown again, and he refused. She did it again.

"Come on now Red, a nice girl is offering you a crown, you should probably take it," Yellow said.

"Wait," one of the reporters said. "You're a girl?"

Yellow sighed. 'Not this again,' she thought. She took off her hat. "Does that clear anything up?"

"Not really," the guy said. "You just sort of look like one of those boys that identify as girls like Ruby, you know, with your..."

Yellow realized what the guy was saying. "You per-"

"Whoa guys," Red said. "Yellow is a girl, definitely, believe me, I was confused for a while too. And Ruby doesn't identify as a girl, he just likes some stuff, alright?"

The reporters looked unconvinced.

"Well," Red said. "There is a way that you could convince them you're a girl, Yellow, but it would involve a slight breach of privacy."

Yellow whirled around, face burning like a thousand suns, and said, "Red, you perv-"

"No, no, no," Red said hastily as his face turned redder than a Rapidash's flames as he realized what he said must have sounded like. "I didn't mean _that_ , rather that you could take a strand of your hair and send it to a forensics laboratory, where they could release your karyotype and show that you have two X chromosomes. I mean breach of privacy as those new laws have been passed, you know, #DNAprivacy."

"Whatever," Yellow said and stormed away.

Red realized that things were getting awkward, so he said. "I'd just like to thank someone out there, my best bud Green, who I wouldn't be here without, you know, #Bestfriendsforever."

* * *

Gold had invited the Pokedex holders (minus Green, Red, Yellow, and Emerald) to his sweet crib where they could all discuss taking down Red in the safety of his home and comfort of a jacuzzi. Also, there was a stash of Oreos that Gold always kept, and that was, of course, opened.

"So, to make a long story short," Gold said, "we need to kill Red." He noticed that the Oreos were gone, so he told Silver to go get more. Silver slapped him with a banana peel and told him that he wasn't his servant.

"Um, are we seriously discussing murdering our friend over Oreos and chocolate milk?" Platina asked.

"To be honest," Diamond said, "I'm only here for the Oreos anyway." He had already polished off seven packets, and Gold was beginning to remember why the stuff was banned.

"Okay, but I don't see why we need to kill him," Blue said. "I mean, we do live in a democracy after all, and all of us were elected, why don't we go impeach him? It would be all House of Cards and stuff."

"That won't work!" Gold said. "He's too popular, if we impeach him in the end we won't be getting re-elected. Not to mention I do _not_ want to be Frank Underwood. I mean, what sort of a name is that? It sounds like he's related to Weevil Underwood from Yu-Gi-Oh!"

"I also don't really see why you hate him so much," Ruby said. Gold sighed, he had spent the last half hour explaining this stuff, but it occurred to him that Ruby had been playing Candy Crush Saga instead of paying attention.

"So first of all, the guy's too popular," Gold said. "He's full of himself. Did you see how he was offered that Burger King crown?"

"Dude, chillax," Black said. "It was a Burger King crown. I mean, we live in a democracy, remember. And he refused it."

"Yeah, but just to look humble," Gold said. "I saw the broadcast and you could see how he just so wanted to take it in his eyes. Plus, the guy took down Team Rocket, and with it Giovanni, Silver's father. So he's already hurt one of us. Not to mention everyone keeps talking about how he's so great and all, but they forget that _I_ beat him in a Pokemon battle once."

The others rolled their eyes and said, "Yeah... sure you did." together sarcastically. Truth is, Gold _had_ defeated Red at Mt. Silver, but no one believe him and they were all like 'pics or it didn't happen' which made Gold really mad that he didn't charge his phone before the battle. And he had won fair and square too! (Okay, he had been planning to slip sleeping pills into Red's Pokemon's drinks, but that never worked out, so that still meant he won fair and square.)

"Okay, so we need to kill him," Gold said as if this was final. "But, we need to rope in Green in on the whole thing, 'cuz if you do it ourselves people will think that we're selfish, but not if Green does it."

"I don't get it," Sapphire said. "If we have to do it, why not do it in private?"

"We won't be able to do it very deceptively," Gold said.

"And you supposedly beat him in a Pokemon battle?" Platina asked.

"Yes!" Gold said. "I did beat him- oh forget it, point is we need to do it, and we need Green, since everyone knows that he's best buds with Red so no one will think we did something wrong if Green is involved with us."

"Best buds?" Blue asked. "I was sure those two were gay for each other."

"No they're not," Gold said. "I mean, Green _is_ gay, but not for Red."

Silver raised an eyebrow. "How do you know that?"

Gold turned red (oh, the irony) and said, "My private business is my private business. Now, any questions?"

"I still don't get how having Green with us will help," Ruby said.

"Look," Gold said, trying to explain things so that even Ruby could understand, "you know how Taylor Swift managed to top the iTunes lists with white noise? Well, Green here is Taylor Swift."

"I don't think Green would like being compared to Taylor Swift," Pearl said. "I mean, he is a Taylor hater, or as I like to call them, a Tater."

Gold grabbed the nearest thing next to him and chucked it at Pearl. "No more interruptions," Gold said with a crazy look in his eye. "So, Green is Taylor Swift, and the stupid explanation that he'll give to everyone on why we killed Red will be the white noise, and pretty much everyone in this country is a Swiftie, so then everyone will like us too."

"I totally get it," Ruby said. "But how will we get him to join us? He's Red best bud."

Green grinned. "Leave all of that to me. So, are all of you in?"

There was a chorus of 'Not really's and 'Kind of's and a single 'I was just here for the Oreos.' Gold took this all to be a yes.

"So, now we all need to agree not to tell anyone, using the most sacred of oaths: the pinky swear," Gold said. And so, all of them gathered around him to do a pinky swear, which is really difficult when there are so many people, but they managed somehow. "Also, we don't involve Yellow, she's too into Red. Emerald can't be with us either as he can't stab Red in the back, I mean, look at him, with his height the best he'd be able to manage would be Red's knee joint."

And so, all of them filed out and Green rubbed his hands as he planned his next move.

 **A/N: And so ends chapter one of this fanfic. I'd like to know how you liked it and am willing to answer any questions regarding the chapter. I should note here that I don't really have much ideas about the Pokedex holders after Black & White, so they'll probably either be not mentioned at all or mentioned just by name. I won't be able to update this as much as I'd like to as I can generally do only about one chapter for a single story I'm working on a week, but I should be able to update it often enough. **

**Thanks for reading, and I do always appreciate reviews!**


	2. Gold Gets An Ice Cream Fortune

Gold left his house at around eight p.m. and set out to Green's house.

He was gently humming on his way though when someone shouted, "Stop!"

Gold turned around to see who had been the one who had shouted. It was some guy wearing a hood and sitting at a wooden table in the middle of an abandoned street in the middle of nowhere.

Gold broke into a cold sweat as he realized this was how horror movies usually began, and he figured since he was so nice-looking and likable (in his opinion) he'd probably be dead in the next thirty seconds.

"My name's Carl," the guy said. "Want to have your fortune told?"

Gold sighed out of relief. So this was just some guy offering to read tarot cards or whatever. "I don't really have much time!" Gold shouted back.

"Really?" Carl asked. "That guy Red said the same thing,"

That perked up Gold a bit and made him mildly interested. The guy's shop looked like a fly-by-the-night operation, considering the fact that he didn't even have a tent and a table and some chairs was all that he was sporting. Gold took a seat.

"So, what did Red say?" Gold asked.

"I ain't telling," Carl said. "You know, psychic-client privilege and all?"

'That can't possibly be real,' Gold thought. Then again, a law like that seemed to be actually saner than the new ones that were being passed.

"So, what're you paying me with?" Carl asked.

"I don't have much," Gold said. He then paused. "Are you a cop or wearing a wire?"

"No," Carl replied.

"Okay," Gold said. He pulled out a packet of Oreos. "You can have these, but the only thing is that I think that they're past their expiry dat-"

He didn't get further as the Oreos were snatched up and Carl ate half of them. Gold was seriously rethinking manufacturing those things.

"So," Carl said, "let me introduce you to my special brand of fortune telling."

"Psssh," Gold said. "You expect me to seriously believe in fortune telling? What's next, am I supposed to be into Reiki healing too?"

"Reiki healing is an almost established branch of medicine with tons of anecdotal evidence," Carl replied.

Gold seriously wanted to slap the guy. "So, what are we going to do? Palm reading? Tarot Cards? Or do you happen to have a Xatu?"

"None of the above," Carl answered. He gave Gold a vanilla ice cream cone. "All you have to do is lick the ice cream, and based on how you lick it I can tell you your future."

"That can't possibly be a thing…" Gold said. He took a lick anyway.

Carl then took the cone and began examining it. "Hmm… you've been seeing Green, that other senator, haven't you?"

Gold gasped. "How did you know that?"

Carl chuckled. "Just kidding. I saw it on the news today night and thought I'd say it."

Gold frowned. The news was mainly run by Black and White, and if those guys were ruining his image, he was going to have a 'talk' with them. Yes, the price that they would pay would be so high that-

"So, about your fortune," Carl said, "all I have to say is 'Beware the ninja replacement technique.' Beware it, Gold."

"That's it?" Gold asked. "Come one man, that thing didn't even make any sense at all. 'Beware the ninja replacement technique?' What's that supposed to mean? Not to mention I seriously doubt that ice cream fortunetelling is even a thing, and I bet even if it is you're not good at it."

"Sure I am," Carl said. He pulled out a certificate that said 'This ensures that Carl, the bearer, has passed the licensing examination to become a certified ice cream fortuneteller.'

"It looks fake," Gold said.

"Yeah, well you want to see my graduation photo?" Carl asked.

"Nah," Gold said as he got up, and was ready to leave.

"Wait," Carl said. "Aren't you going to pay me in something more than Oreos? I have student loans to pay, you know. Do you have any idea how much ice cream fortunetelling school tuition costs have risen?"

Gold slapped the guy and moved on.

* * *

He then entered a café with a working television to see if the guy had been right. There wasn't anything about him, just something about a guy who had been dating a Houndour for four years before realizing it was a Pokemon (Gold was seriously losing faith in humanity at this point) so he called White.

White was a serious advocator for freedom of press rights, so it was hard to try and censor a lot of the stuff that Gold would've liked too, but a benefit of that was that he was able to schedule for one of his crony doctors to talk about the health effects of eating Oreos.

White said that there wasn't any news about him, and Black said the same thing. Gold frowned and walked outside all the way back, but he couldn't find the fortuneteller.

He took out his phone and called Silver.

"Sup?" Silver asked. "Did you manage to win over Green yet?"

"No," Gold said. "But this really creepy thing just happened. You see, I saw a fortuneteller-"

"Wait," Silver said, "are you trying to tell me that you're calling me and interrupting me while I watch the latest episode of _Naruto_ because of a fortune teller? What's next, are we all supposed to stop whenever a Glameow crosses our path?"

"Dude, I'm telling you, the guy was downright weird, and plus, you could just pause the video," Gold said. "The guy said something about the ninja-"

Silver had hung up. Gold shook his head. He found the whole situation unnerving, but he decided to go ahead with his plan and visit Green.

 **A/N: So, I know I said I'd be updating a bit late, but this came to me and I had some free time. I know it is a bit shorter than the first chapter, but a few of the chapters will be shorter. Also, I know originally the Soothsayer talks to Caesar, but well, this is a parody after all.**

 **Who was this Carl guy? Why should Gold beware the ninja replacement technique? Find out in the later chapters of this parody.**

 **Thank you for reading. If you liked it, I do really appreciate reviews, and if you didn't like it or thought it could use some work somewhere, I'm also open to criticism.**


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